It Moves in Mysterious Ways

NJ Officials Puzzled As Dead Fish Wash Ashore

It's so hard to figure out, it's so mysterious, so vexing, so puzzling. Except that it's not. Anyone remember this projection from a couple of months ago?



But 76% of the oil was disappeared by faeries, elves and unicorns so this cannot possibly be the answer. Officials are investigating a drop in oxygen levels in the waters off of New Jersey, but this is surely because of global warming or the direct fault of George Bush. It cannot possibly be that the oil and methane and associated toxins followed their projected path, because the basketball player who is nominally in charge of this dying country says that the Gulf oil disaster not only is over, but it never existed except in the minds of we conspiracy nuts. It's so easy to translate the news you read into the truth once you are aware of the way things really are.